Mihaly Czikszentmihalyi, a positive psychologist asks the question, “What makes a life worth living?” Noting that money cannot make us happy, he looks to those who find pleasure and lasting satisfaction in activities that bring about a state of “flow.”
Csikszentmihalyi has contributed pioneering work to our understanding of happiness, creativity, human fulfillment and the notion of “flow” — a state of heightened focus and immersion in activities such as art, play and work.
In an interesting piece on Forbes entitled “Speak the Truth, Even if Your Voice Shakes“, Amy Rees Anderson gives some valuable tips about being honest on the job, especially if you are in a leadership role.
Through her experience as a CEO she says “I found that one of the toughest things to teach people that serve in a management role is how to give honest feedback to others. I found that they were often afraid to hurt feelings, or they were afraid of not being liked. Rather than giving direct, honest feedback they would sugarcoat things and dance around an issue.”
Anderson gives some helpful tips on how to give honest, constructive feedback. Some of her suggestions are below:
1. As a leader you have an obligation to set the example of giving honest and direct feedback to employees. If you don’t do it, no one else well either, so it must start with you.
2. Never feel guilty telling someone else the truth about what isn’t working or what has to change. They deserve to know it. They cannot change and improve unless they know the truth about what they are doing wrong. You owe it to them to be honest and open.
3. Always give feedback from a position of truly wanting to help the other person with the information. Never give feedback at a time you are angry or frustrated or you will end up tearing the other person down and no good will come from it. If you enter into the conversation with the genuine desire to help the other person to improve and grow, your heart will be in the right place and your words will come out in a way that builds, not destroys.
4. It is OK to start the conversation by telling the other person that what you need to discuss with them is a little uncomfortable for you, but you also know that it’s in their best interest for you to give them honest feedback, so you are going to do your best to do so. This lets the other person know that your intentions are good, and it helps stop them from becoming immediately defensive and allows them to be more open to what you have to tell them.
5. Be very clear in explaining exactly what they need to do differently. Don’t just talk in broad, general terms. Give them specific examples of what they have done wrong and then give them an example of how they could have handled things differently. Keep in mind that most people are not trying to mess up or be difficult. They are usually either unaware of their own bad behavior, or they are frustrated because they can’t figure out how to do it differently. Typically, they will appreciate having some practical examples that teach them new ways to approach things.
6. Always be honest with respect. If you talk to the other person in a way that demonstrates your respect for them, they will appreciate your words far more, and you will have a far better chance of making an impact with them.
7. Make sure that anytime you are going to share something negative that you also take time to express the positive. Let them know what they do right as well as what they are doing wrong. You want people to walk away knowing that not everything they do is bad, and you want them to recognize the good things they should continue to do.
A new article featured on the Inc website suggests that small movements that you make–movements you probably aren’t aware of–could be the key to whether others trust you–or not.
Through their research, DeSteno and his team found that 4 specific gestures were associated untrustworthiness. Those gestures are:
The article suggests that hand-touching can make you look tentative and nervous, which could cause observers to think you are hiding something or not being honest, or that you lack confidence. Clasping your hands together may also be interpreted as a closing-off gesture: It could look as if you were putting up a fence between yourself and the people you’re speaking with.
2. Touching your own face
Touching your own face is a common gesture that signals you are thinking. But what you are thinking is unknown to those who are trying to determine if you can be trusted. And if they don’t know you well, the safe choice might be to decide that you’re up to no good.
3. Crossing your arms, and
Crossing your arms is a classic closing gesture. Crossing the arms tends to communicate that your true feelings will remain undisclosed, and that you are not open for collaboration.
4. Leaning Away
We like people who like us. When you lean in, you express the desire to be close. When you lean away, you could very well be seen as someone who is running away, disengaged, or avoiding contact–you’re aloof on the balcony, not moshing on the dance floor.
Those of us in any relationship, be it personal or professional, need to earn the trust others. With a little practice, you can avoid touching your hands and face, crossing your arms, or leaning away from people you’re conversing with.
If children laugh 300 times a day on average, then how many times a day do you think adults laugh?
Enjoy the short but interesting video facts about humans and behavior.
What evolutionary path has our faces followed? Is less, really more?
Our faces are our first communication with the world around us. Watch the insightful video below to learn more.
For more accurate depictions of the seven universal emotions than what is depicted in the video, see below.